Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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