Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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