shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
