why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
