ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I hope mine doesn't look like that
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
