the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
