You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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