Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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