Kareoke will never be a sober sport
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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