I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
