Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
