I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
