Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
