Your dad touched me again.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
