New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
