hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
whose ass print is on the piano?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
