Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
