Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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