we're chasing vodka with high fives
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
