so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Everything about him screamed your future.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
