Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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