You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
