did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
