hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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