Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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