a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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