So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
