I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
