I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
