you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
