The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
