Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
