My room smells like vodka and shame
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
