1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
