well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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