Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
