nut hugger
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
