You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
