Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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