I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
