you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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