just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
