No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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