i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
