It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
