Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
