You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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