i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
