Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
