Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
