If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
