so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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